Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My ten Lebowski Fest wishes for 2010

All of us Achievers were spoiled in 2009.
Never before have there been as many Fests.
We don't know if a year like 2009 will ever be repeated.

It's a natural, zesty feeling, to want more...
In that free spirit, are my top ten Lebowski Fest wishes for 2010.

10. I remember the ticket that I want, avoid the ticket I don't
So I was about four and half hours into my six hour drive last July when I realized I left my tickets back at home... Oh, and this was after I had already received a ticket - for speeding - from an Indiana State Trooper.

9. The Garden Party moves back to the garden
I think I can rationalize why the 8th Annual Garden (a.k.a. pre-bowling) Party was held in the parking lot instead of where it was held the year before... Both locations have their advantages, but I just personally prefer to have grass under my feet than asphalt.

8. Michael Jackson, again, at the After Party dance
It was very apt for the time. Jacko was reckently gone and we were all justly wacko. Even though his passing will be well over a year old, I hope there is still a healthy amount of Michael Jackson (we're talking Rock With You, not just Billie Jean and Thriller) fueling our awful dancing well past 2 am.

7. I meet, and hang out with, "The Bereaved"

One of the best parts of attending a Lebowski Fest is the post-party photo debriefing. It's impossible to catch all that is going on, and you must rely on the photos posted from other perspectives. Of all that I missed, it was the foursome that I regretted the most not meeting. (For the record, I think there is a Dude missing in the above picture - I think it was two girls and two guys) Not only did they show up as "The Bereaved" for the Movie Party, but one of them became one of the most photographed Bunnies in recent memory. (Probably due to her bikini and penchant for having others blow on her toenail polish) And from what I gathered from the pictures they posted, they hit the fest running and were long term thinking marathon party people. I will be trying to introduce myself to them soon.

6. Achiever "Marty" makes the Final Round in Lebowski Trivia

Now this guy I did meet, and spoke to (although briefly) at the 8th Annual. I was very impressed with his knowledge of all things Lebowski and sensed his disappointment when he didn't advance as far as he wanted to in the Trivia competition. It was his first Fest, and it's always difficult for rookies to predict what kinds of questions are thrown at them in a competition not for amateurs. I hope he shows up again, and I think he'll be more ready than most to tackle the competition. I'll be rooting for him.

5. A perfect game is rolled at a Bowling Party
It's going to happen, eventually. It has progressively taken a better score to win the "Best Bowler" trophy at a Lebowski Fest. Yes, the conditions are far from perfect to yield a perfect score. There will be lane overcrowding, frequent distractions, copious amounts of Kahlua. When it happens, the roller will become an instant Legend.

4. Lebowski Fest ventures to Las Vegas

I don't know why the Vegas stop of the 2009 Speed of Sound Tour was canceled. Las Vegas will always be a historically important locale for Lebowski Fest - it hosted the first non-Louisville Fest. It's also the most likely destination that yours truly will fly to in order to attend a Fest.

3. Vaughn returns to exact revenge

With all due respect to the Best Costume winner at the 8th Annual, it has to be considered an upset. This man Vaughn is a living legend when it comes to complex high quality thought provoking costumes at Lebowski Fests. No one can predict what his next costume will be - we can only hope we can see it with our own eyes.

2. Lebowski Fest hits SXSW

Welcome to the first of two utter fantasies, to call them a "wish" is an understatement. Lebowski Fest was at 2009's Bonnaroo. The Fest has also been to Austin, Texas multiple times. Is it too far outside our frame of refrence to think they might one day end up at the SXSW festival? (A festival, like Bonnaroo, that has also added a movie/cinema element?)

1. John Turturro reunites with Jim Hoosier

If Jeff Bridges was able to make it to a Lebowski Fest, why not Mr. Turturro? Although I also would love to see a John Goodman or a Julianne Moore at a Fest - a special piece of my heart wants to see "Liam" (a frequent, beloved, guest at Lebowski Fests) partnered up again with "The Jesus." Doesn't the thought of it bring a smile to your soul?

Just so everyone knows: I have zero authority with any Lebowski Fest decision making. I'm just a lowly Achiever who asked the Founding Dudes if I could aimlessly write on their website. Obviously some of these wishes are very possible, and some are extremely unlikely... But that's my list. 2009 shattered everyone's expectations on what Lebowski Fest can produce - let's not have our dreams as constrained. Our dreams and wishes should be as limber as possible.

Happy Holidays Achievers! I wish you more strikes than gutters in the upcoming New Year.[TQ]

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Awh! Jesus--what's that smell, man?

Did a vagrant sleep in your car?
Maybe use it as a toilet?

The newest item at's pro shop can help you.

I haven't been able to confirm this - but I'm suspecting the Research and Development for this item came from the LAPD Crime Lab.[TQ]

Thursday, December 3, 2009

For those that have balls, and those that don't

My apolgogies for my absence.
I was on vacation in Vegas.
Yes, it included an In-N-Out stop.
But there's another thing that Vegas boasts:
Beautiful women.
None, sadly, are special lady friends.
Which brings me to this shirt.
That's marvelous.
Get it for someone who's strongly vaginal.
Get it for your free spirited friend.
Even if she's not yet special.
Perhaps for "fun and games?"
Or a chance at conception?
What do you have to lose?
$18, I guess.
That's exactly how much Donny had when he died.

Ball shammy.
For polishing.
It will cause envy.
Possibly, a date for Wednesday.
With that aforementioned SLF?
Use both hands.
Pump vigorously.
After polishing belly-shake optional.
Liam endorses it.
Hear it for yourself.
Only $15!



Happy Happies to all.[TQ]